Our parents are truly our biggest supporters. As far back as I can remember, my dad dreamed bigger for me than I did for myself. A particular area I have questioned in past years is my professional career. He always encouraged me to become an author. He wanted me to write a book and get it published. He even came up with a pseudonym to use when I publish my first book. Whenever I start to question my future and my ambitions, I always know how far my dad thought I could go, and that is a huge source of encouragement for me. He never saw me as adequate, he saw me with great potential. And now I see that for myself. Invest in your future, and ASK your parents where they see you— relationally, professionally, spiritually, creatively— and use these dreams as a platform for growth, or as a reminder when you need some encouragement of where you can go A few months before my dad passed away, he mentioned to my mom that he “felt like [he] still had so much left to teach the girls”. We are all continuously learning from the people around us, but we are not always consciously tuning into the knowledge and wisdom around us. Ask questions. Take mental notes. Be present. I’m so grateful to be able to say that I learned as much about life from my parents that I have, but there are still times I wish I would’ve just asked him to sit down with me and TEACH me about certain things… budgeting, 401k, changing a tire, you name it. Sure, there are times when we need to learn something ourselves, but there were also times I had to learn the hard way that I could have avoided. We take for granted those moments when we call in a panic and need an answer, so why not be proactive and ask in advance? I could tell you all the details of how my parents met, as spoken from both perspectives, and it is a truly adorable story. Knowing about your parents’ love story is not only a story to pass along to future generations, but it also gives you a chance to hear your parents speak boldly about their love for each other. I was lucky to have parents who were visibly in love, who respected each other, and who led our family as a unit. The love story I look back on is of two people who raised four girls and never seemed to lose themselves along the way. They didn’t fight in front of my sisters and me, they didn’t let us speak disrespectfully to the other, and they taught us how to be polite, hardworking, individuals who follow Jesus and serve others. This is the kind of love that I know how to share with my spouse and our future children. If your parents aren’t overly verbal about their love, that's okay, but you can learn a lot about what type of relationship you want to have in the future based on the relationship of your parents. Sometimes your parents won’t come out and speak truthfully about their opinion on the people in your life unless you ask them (or unless they are outrightly concerned). If you have a deep relationship with your parents, it is likely that you will highly value their opinion on the people closest to you. They know you the best, they are able to see things you don’t, and they have your best interest at heart. Whether it is about friendships, professional relationships, or romantic relationships, your parents will have more wisdom and insight than you are necessarily willing to admit at times. Whether things are going great in a relationship or if things are on the rocks, don’t be afraid to let your parents weigh in— let them speak openly and honestly, and don’t be too quick to shrug off their advice. Chances are… they will be right. I am blessed to say that I knew my dad’s heart for the Lord, because he passed his heart on to each of us. I never had to question his salvation; from the moment he left the earth I know he stepped into eternity with his Father. I believe he spent his time on the earth stewarding, serving, and making disciples. He was very bold in his faith, and was the greatest example of a strong family leader. Because of this I don’t have a lot of unanswered questions or uncertainty about faith. We talked often, openly, and in depth about all things spiritual. I would encourage you to speak to your parents about their faith and their beliefs, and decide for yourself what exactly you believe. This is the one area I would’ve spent more time inquiring about had I had the knowledge I do today. My dad lost his mother when he was in his 20s, and his dad passed away just over a decade later. This meant that I never met my grandmother, and my Papa died when I was very young. Growing up, my sisters and I rarely asked our dad about his parents because in our precious little hearts we were afraid it made him sad to think/talk about. As an adult I realize this was not the case! It can be incredibly therapeutic to talk about loved ones. I wish I would’ve asked more questions, not only about his parents, but about the whole Fleming family. My dad loved to research genealogy and his family tree, and I would love to be able to retell some of the stories I’ve heard about his family. I have full intentions of having his brother or sister write out the family tree for me. As silly as it sounds, I can’t always remember the connections and stories, but these are the things I want to be able to share with my family. If you have a side of your family that you do not know the history of, I encourage you to find out these answers! As children we don’t always think about this, but as adults we realize how important this information can be. Oh, how I treasure family photos now. I always encourage people to take regular family photos, because these are some of my favorite photos to look back on and the biggest rarity. I’ve made a conscious effort to take more family photos over the past five years. I remember a time at the beach where I asked one of my sisters to take a photo of my mom and I lounging at the beach house with ice cream in hand. Meredith made fun of us for taking a picture with our ice cream cones, but I remember thinking “These are the moments I want to remember. Sitting on the couch in my comfy clothes after a beautiful day at the beach. Eating ice cream and just being happy.” It doesn’t have to be a big event or a family session to be photo-worthy. Just take a selfie. You won’t regret having those memories. They've been through it all, yet somehow growing up we still managed to think we knew it all. I would love to sit down and talk with my dad about his professional career, because, boy was he successful! But what was more important to me was seeing the impact he had on the people he worked with, hearing stories about how he treated everyone he worked with (from the janitor on his floor to the executive down the hall) with respect and genuine care. This showed me that my dad was successful not only because of his hard work and intelligence, but also because of the way he led and the way he treated others. It has showed me a lot about what it means to be successful in my career, and that for me, my attitude and my willingness to serve are just as important as my resume. Ask about their relationships with the people they work with, about how they balance their work/family life, about what tough lessons they learned along the way when it comes to dealing with difficult people. Don't just ask "How was your day?" or "Did you get the promotion?". Ask about the things that really matter. Having trouble making a big decision in your life? After consulting my husband, consulting my mom for advice is generally the next step. Next to my husband, my mom is the first person I share my victories, defeats, and emotions with. If you have this type of relationship with your parents, it is no surprise that they can be the best resource for advice. I love my friends, but they don’t always have the life experience that parents have. Just remember, they've survived college years, landing their first job, adjusting to married life, and they took on the challenge of parenting and raising children among a TON Of other life events... they have quite a bit of life experience! There are times I am in public and see a random daddy with his daughter, and I can’t help but tear up. I’m such a cheeseball! The relationship between dads and daughters is so special. My dad spent so much time with my sisters and I growing up; he somehow was able to balance a successful career and driving me to every silly soccer practice I had. I’m so thankful for his participation in my childhood and ultimately for his consistent presence. In my teenage years and early twenties there were certainly times that I prioritized friends and relationships over family, and this is where I would encourage you to take time out of your life and invest it into the people who have invested so much time and love into you. Take time to call your parents regularly. Visit them as often as you can. Don’t miss opportunities to keep them involved in your life, no matter what stage you are in or how far away you might live.
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September 2018
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