Two weeks ago I was driving down the highway, contemplating where to begin. It's a little alarming how much your mind can wander while you're driving...it's a little unsettling to be honest. Maybe I should just go to Lifeway, and look around. Maybe I'll draw inspiration there. Or find a book to read first. Hello procrastination. Then I heard the words very clearly spoken to me, "Have I not graced you with the words?". WOW. I felt the air knocked out of me. You're right. You have. I had no idea what the words were that I had been graced with, but I had the faith to believe that they would be revealed to me. So I ditched the trip to the bookstore, and carried on with the day.
I've felt this stir in my heart to push forward with this book. But having an assignment with no deadline, no topic, and no idea where to start is a bit overwhelming. So I sat down with a pen and paper, and prayed that Holy Spirit would help me find where to start. And the next thing you know I was drawing a mind map. I remember my dad used to make mind maps all the time, and I was not shy about the fact that I thought they were kind of nerdy. But the man knew what he was doing. This was such a helpful process. I felt better that I had done something.
The next morning I woke up with an overwhelming amount of revelation. I drafted a blog post not too long ago, and withheld publishing it. It was pretty deep. Very personal. Powerful. But the timing was terrible. I didn't want the post to come across as pointed. And I believed the right thing to do was hold onto it. Wait for the timing to be better. But that morning God showed me that the subject I had written about was actually the topic of the book He wanted me to author. That I hadn't written a blog post, but a chapter.
WAIT A MINUTE!! You're telling me I not only have a chapter now, but a framework?? Imagine waking up to that revelation. I messaged my husband, almost in disbelief. I was so relieved to have some direction. A starting point. I continued to pray over the process, and decided that the best thing for me to do before I started writing any further was to analyze the life of Jesus in relation to the subject.
So this morning I sat down with my Bible, a notebook, a pen, and TWO cups of coffee. And I prayed. My task at hand was simply to re-read the Gospel. I didn't plan to knock it out in one sitting, but I figured I'd probably at least make it through Matthew. WRONG. So here's a side note: I actually pulled out a Study Bible that I've hardly used. It is huge, and the pages are filled with more footnotes and commentary than scripture (relative to the page). And that is so perfect for this setting because I am digging deeper than I ever have. I'm seeking revelation on one single aspect of Jesus' life and ministry. And it's no small aspect. I got no further than the first chapter of Matthew before the words started flowing onto the paper in front of me.
I can't even describe what a beautiful feeling that was. Honestly, it was euphoric. Call me a nerd, but I've felt stuck for years now. And today I wrote. And wrote. I didn't even write words for the book, I just took notes. I studied the genealogy of Jesus, and picked up on historical details that I've never noticed or pieced together. I underlined and I paraphrased and I quoted. And after a few hours passed I realized that I'd only made it through the first five chapters. Instead of being disappointed, I was excited. Because I've read the Bible in its entirety, and I've studied individual books, but I've never read with this kind of intensity.
I write all of this to say that for me, this is an accountability post. I recognize that I have a LOT of work ahead of me. But this is the first step in a process. I don't know if this assignment will take me a year, or if it is part of journey that I'll contribute to for years to come. But I ask that you'll come alongside me, and pray over the faithfulness to see this assignment though.