When I first started looking for a job in Arkansas, I was adamant that I wanted to find something that would exercise my creativity. I wasn’t entirely sure what that would look like, but I searched and searched. A few leads came my way and got my hopes up, but fell through. That’s when I started shifting my mentality and pursuing corporate jobs. I was prayerful throughout the process, mainly praying for an opportunity to arise. When I was offered not one, but two Administrative Assistant positions I was thrilled. Being offered multiple jobs was an answered prayer— this was an opportunity to work and make money, and even choose which opportunity would be the best fit. However, the job did not end up being a good fit for me: there were frustrations with the position, the way people treated me, and the lack of application of my gifts and talents. After three months of frustrations, tears, and feelings of being unfulfilled I started to resent the blessing. Stay with me though, because I do not believe that God allowed any of the heartache to be wasted.
If God put it in my path, I’m supposed to persevere
There have been a few times in my life where I believe that God has delivered me from circumstances of my own creation. This is one of them. I truly believe that there are times when God gives you what you ask for to show you that it is not what is best for you after all. I prayed for an opportunity for work, and I prayed for patience to hold off and accept the right opportunity. This doesn’t mean the best opportunity. When it began to unfold and I realized that the opportunity was not a good fit I became discouraged. I thought I needed to persevere, because surely God gave me the opportunity to lead to something down the road. But at what cost? Giving up a year of happiness? Maybe two years? No, I don’t believe God willed for me to be unhappy for two years, to constantly feel belittled, or to “make it through” for that long. I believe he began to open my heart to bigger issues, and show me ways that he would work if I would TRUST Him. He started to shift my perspective to see that there wasn’t a corporate position within that company that I wanted to work up to (huge turning point). He put seeds of hope in my mind and opportunities outside of work that allowed me to see my passions and my increasing talent. And then, when the time was right, He provided an opportunity to give me a way out.
You have to work for certain companies if you live in NWA
False, people. Yes, it feels like it sometimes. But that’s because the culture creates that feeling. People expect you to work for the main company of influence, or a vendor, and virtually write you off if you do not. Other jobs are considered less than. They lead you to believe you can’t possibly be successful outside of that environment. FALSE. That definition of success regards finances; my definition of success regards fulfillment.
Although I received a lot of positive responses upon announcing my departure, I also received a handful of backhanded comments. When an associate asked me what my next job was (knowing that my husband is a professional photographer), his response was “That sounds awesome! But...you don’t have a family, do you?”. My response was simply, “What do you mean?”. “You don’t have kids yet, right?”, he probed. “No, we do not have kids yet”, I stated as anger stirred in my heart. What I wanted to say was that I DO have a family, even though we do not have kids. He pushed a step further, “Oh, yea…I guess you can do that if you don’t have kids, but it’s a different story when you do”. I didn’t respond with the anger inside of me, but I felt the sting of his words pretty deep. He knew nothing about my family, our goals, or our finances. But he had an opinion and judgement. Here’s my response: My family isn’t going to the richest in the community financially. But we sure hope to be rich spiritually. We don’t live in the nicest house or drive expensive cars, but that isn’t our biggest concern in life. So instead of running ourselves into the ground and resenting our circumstances for financial gain, we are going to press on to implore the gifts and talents we’ve been given. To steward them wisely, and to aim to live our life in pursuit of spending ourselves instead of our money.
Righteousness means always seeing your commitments through
Sometimes righteousness means handling difficult situations with honesty and integrity. My biggest concern was being a quitter. My job history would argue that I am a very loyal and devoted employee. However, a month into the job, there was a day where I came home and cried every single tear of frustration I was feeling in my heart until I ran out of tears. Because this wasn’t the first time my husband witnessed this behavior, he tried desperately to comfort me, and begged me to quit. He told me that I didn’t even have to have another job lined up, he would support me if I just left. But it didn’t feel right. I’ve always been taught to see my commitments through, and I had a handful of people within the company that were supporting me and wanted to see me go on to do bigger things. I am so thankful for the grace and encouragement of these individuals! The problem was that there was a 12 month requirement within any position before promotion or advancement was allowed. The feeling of knowing that I would have to persevere for another 10-11 months was quite honestly depressing. But I pressed on for another month and half. When another opportunity arose, and I almost immediately turned it down. Delyn asked me to consider it, and pray over it. The opportunity came to fruition within a week, which I know wholeheartedly was divine appointment. By this time, I had been graced with the peace to leave. That was a huge relief and mark of approval. My biggest concern at that time was to leave on good terms and openly and honestly speak with each leader, and I can say with full confidence that this was achieved. They reassured me that this did not make me a quitter, and they wished me well in my next opportunity. I'm walking away with a great deal of respect for those leaders and their values.
Doubt is a response of ungratefulness
I dealt with a great deal of doubt over the last three months. It left me feeling negative and ungrateful. I didn’t understand why I would be given an opportunity that I would so desperately resent. I thought that surely God wanted me to see this job through (at least the twelve month commitment) and didn’t understand why He would allow me to be so unhappy if this was the opportunity He gave me. I grew anxious in social environments because I hated to report the truth to the people who were so excited to hear how my job was going. I had three options: 1) Be honest and have an awkward conversation that left me feeling negative and ungrateful, 2) Lie or quickly change the subject, or 3) Admit that things weren’t going well, but that I had hope that they would turn around. I always opted for option three, but the effects of option one still overpowered the conversation. Then, I heard a message that really convicted me. Alicia Brit Cole spoke to our congregation, and stated that “plastic Christianity is a pitiful mentor”. This convicted and reminded me that putting a bandaid over the truth wasn’t being authentic and certainly wasn’t making anything better. She encouraged us to stop stuffing our doubts, and to simply lay our doubts and our questions at the feet of Christ. This challenged me to stop worrying about perceptions, and to focus on the heart of the matter. My biggest takeaway is that it is OKAY to doubt and question things, but don’t allow them to drive you away from God. Instead, use those doubts and questions as an opportunity to draw closer. To see what God has in store for you through the challenges you face. To see how deeply he truly cares about you when he delivers you from the things you lay at his feet.
You can’t impact a culture
You can’t impact a culture if you don’t try. After my first month, I had an impactful conversation about the corporate culture with my aunt. She reminded me that this opportunity might have never been intended for my benefit, but rather could have been an opportunity for someone else (another reason that made it more difficult to leave). She encouraged me to continue to show grace and kindness to everyone around me, and do everything within my power to continue to empower those who were marginalized. Now, do I think I made a big impact on the company? No, I’m not that naive. But do I think I made an impact on a few select individuals? Yes, I honestly do. I spoke out about my experience, and I knew that if I wasn’t a part of the solution then I was part of the problem. Because walking away without speaking up wasn’t going to help the people I left behind. So I was bold in my conversations about the treatment of assistants and the overall culture that wasn’t living up it’s reputation. Those who genuinely cared about the culture seemed to take my comments to heart. And then there were those who clearly could not have cared less. But I was determined to bring truth and grace where it was lacking. Whenever an opportunity presented itself, I spoke to those who had influence: VPs, Executive Assistants, HR reps, etc. in hopes that they would receive the information and make whatever change their power could influence.
There’s a certain path I’m supposed to take
The corporate path is generally considered the “safe” path. It’s relatively stable, it provides helpful benefits, and it allows room for growth. My dad was exceptionally successful in the corporate world. I think that set an example, illustrating that I could achieve a life similar to the one I had growing up— a life that is stable, prosperous, and full of joy. But an important note is that those things didn’t come from his job— they came from the household I grew up in. Sure, the financial piece was important, but our provision ultimately came from the Lord. This meant that when finances were up or down, it didn’t affect the functioning of our family in terms of stability or joy.
It’s too late to change your path
I married a dreamer. I’ve always been a rule follower, play-it-safe, do what’s expected of you type of person. I married a good steward. I tend to steward my finances better than my talents. I married a faithful man. I often speak of faith, but my actions at times fall short. I would never have the courage to completely shift career goals at age 27 if it weren’t for my husband’s support and encouragement. I’ve been blessed to be surrounded by people who believe in and encourage me my whole life— my parents, my siblings, my aunts and uncles, my grandparents, my friends— they’ve always encouraged my creativity. But I’ve never received such a big push to step outside of my comfort zone and pursue such an abstract career path. My husband not only encouraged this career move, he helped seek it out. He has this incredible belief in my potential, and tries to help me see it every day.
Money is what matters
This weekend we heard a great sermon on stewardship. I have to admit that I wasn’t convinced Pastor Casey would be able to bring a new perspective on the subject or on the parable of talents (shame on me!). Boy, was I wrong. How many times have I heard this parable? Heck, I’ve even shared it with Children’s Ministry. But one thing really stuck out this go around. You see, I’ve always read the parable and substituted the word “talent” for gold or coins. A talent is a financial measurement, which is said to be the equivalent of up to twenty years worth of wages for day laborers. Whether it be due to biblical translation or the way my mind works, I’ve always had a mental picture of the servants taking their respective one, two, and five talents (or coins) and coming back with what they made and more, with the exception of the servant who hid his single coin. The point is that my focus is on coins, or a physical manifestation of money. What clicked in my brain yesterday was the blatant intersection of stewarding talents of multiple forms— this is not just pertaining to money as with the servants, but more so with the very talents (gifts, skills) that the Lord entrusts us with to return to His glory. I felt like a real jack-hole sitting in church, thinking that I’ve spent all this time believing I’m stewarding money well, and all the while burying the talent that my master entrusted me with. He is expecting a return on his investment… He’s expecting me to return what he gave me plus more! And here I am… sitting on the sideline watching my husband return his investment tenfold. He gets it. He’s not seeking to reap the financial benefit, he is seeking to reap the spiritual benefit. As the Lord said to the servant who doubled the talent he had been given, I believe the Lord would say, “You have done well. You are a good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a few things. I will put many things in your care. Come and share my joy” (Matthew 25:21).
Maybe there isn’t something better for me out there
I’ve never been able to pinpoint what exactly I feel called to do for work. Sometimes that has made me feel like I lack ambition. I know that’s not the case, but it’s always been a strange feeling to not know what would be a good fit for me. A few months ago, a friend of mine asked me what my dream job would be. The best answer I could give was “something creative”. Really aspirational, right? I think this is because of two things: 1) I didn’t feel well enough equipped to pick one area (photography, writing, etc.) and claim it as my own out of fear of failure, and 2) I honestly didn’t believe that a job existed for me to fit that description. I didn’t feel like I was doubting God, I felt like I was doubting myself. But I now understand that these talents He gave me have nothing to do with my own merit, and that downplaying the talents is actually downplaying the giver. Therefore, I’ve become more bold over the past six months. I’ve admitted to my husband (and now publicly) that I feel called to write a book one day. That’s a huge step in the right direction, because I’ve been called to write for as long as I can remember but I never put a quantitative measurement on it. A BOOK! That's a big deal. I'll have to come back to that another time ;)
Prior to starting corporate work, my husband encouraged me to pursue my creativity— he suggested opening my Etsy store back up, or trying to monetize my blog. I was so appreciative of his encouragement, but I honestly just didn’t believe in myself enough to think that I could make a career out of those ideas. And here I am six months later about to start a job that will include photography, editing, and blogging. I believe that God heard the cries of my heart that I didn’t even fully understand. I believe he united me with a partner who empowered my sense of creativity. And I believe he lined up every detail to create a job that would allow me to implore the very talents and gifts He gave me. It has been amazing to hear all the responses to this opportunity— most prevalent is that it is “right up my alley”; I love this response because I believe that others have come into agreement with something that I didn’t always see myself. That’s a really humbling and affirming feeling.
What I hope you walk away with is that you do not have to feel STUCK no matter where you are in life-- in your job, in your relationships, in your faith. It is okay, and healthy, to have doubts. If something doesn't feel right, don't try to explain it away with religious sayings or unfounded biblical assumptions that do not apply to your circumstances. Seek Godly wisdom, read truth, pray over your situation, seek agreement from other believers, and believe that God will move. Once I started to believe that God would move was when everything came together. I remember sitting on the patio with my husband, declaring that "I believe God cares about my situation, and that He can author a job that's right for me."
The reality is that God cares about you and positions you to influence different situations for varying lengths of time. If nothing else, I had a three month window of influence on a culture that I otherwise would not have. Use your sphere of influence you are given, and always make the most of the time where you are. But don't forget that there is someone who is always for you, and never against you, who can deliver you from any circumstances, even those of your creation, when you seek Him.