“I want to help people see themselves the way Yahweh sees them”. AMEN. My little heart was beating quickly, as I was trying to form my next words. I explained to my husband, “That is exactly how I felt the first time you took photos of me…” I paused. I wanted to express this sentiment to him before. I shied away from the adjective that came to mind. And then I used it anyway. “Pure. You helped me see myself as pure. I hadn’t felt that in a long time”. You see, I’ve struggled with sin and condemnation from my past for years. I knew God redeemed all that was broken, all that was lost, all that was stained with sin, but I hadn’t fully accepted or reconciled myself this way. Did I believe I was a new creation? Yes. Did I see the woman in the mirror as pure? No. I saw the scars and reminders of who I used to be. And those photos he took of me years ago in an alleyway in Bryan, Texas of all places… those showed me a glimpse of the beauty that is to come. I hope you will all have this experience if you have not already. It doesn’t have to be through a photograph. But it is remarkable.
When I think about my own purpose, I think my callings and giftings differ from my husband but compliment his. I write. That is my direct line of communication from the Holy Spirit. I listen. And I write. But when it comes to photography, I think I’ve struggled with owning this gifting because it so differs from Delyn’s. I don’t know that I reveal to people their glory in Yahweh. Instead, I document the glory of Yahweh in their lives. They may or may not even know that. They may or may not be believers or followers of Christ. But they are children of God. And God can be glorified through anything. I’ve been using the phrase “documenting” since high school. It started as a joke— I carried around a camera and took hundreds of pictures. My friends would joke, “make sure you document this” as we did sometimes silly or mundane things, and I did. I’ve always done that. I capture moments. I capture emotions. I capture stories.
This is where we differ— it’s not in ability. It is in vision. Yahweh gives each of us a limited vision, that is part of a grander vision. In marriage, this is a beautifully difficult concept to unravel aside from the Holy Spirit. That’s why Delyn is so specialized in portraits— his vision of individuals, as revealed to him by the Creator is insane. It was spoken over him early in his career that he would be able to portray people the way Yahweh sees them, even without knowing them. Think about that concept. The ability of a stranger to reveal to you something of heavenly realms. That is prophetic. That is an anointing. We are ALL annointed (2 Cor. 1:21-22), but how we use our anointing is often intertwined with our gifts and is a part of our ultimate purpose, which leads back to The Lord.
Let’s circle back to vision. My vision is different than my husband’s pertaining to how we can use our gifts together to serve God. I see moments. I see generations. I see legacies.I see seasons. I’ve always been that way. God gave me this unexplainable understanding of our limited time on earth and our changing seasons and circumstances from an early age. I’ve experienced loss and pain and undeniable miracles. And I treasure the power of a photograph to commemorate moments and seasons. I treasure the little moments of interaction between families when no one is watching, the unnoticed moments of connection behind the scenes at a wedding, and even the posed moment of two people asking to document a moment in time they want to hold on to. I think that God uses each of us to fill the gap for the other. I really like the parts of photography that he doesn’t like, and he really excels in the areas that I don’t. Don’t you think that God could have easily given me the abilities he gave Delyn? Yes. The answer is yes. God could do anything. But I believe it was very intricate and purposed to leverage our strengths and weakness, our gifts and our shortcomings.
Is this all about photography? No. Photography is a small part of WHO God calls us to be. Please hear my heart and understand that your profession is not your identity. Your circumstances are not your identity. Because here is the rest of how our conversation this morning went. I shared with Delyn “What I keep hearing is that we need to be less consumed with creation, and more consumed with The Creator”. It is not all about your job. Or even your gifts. None of that matters to God if it becomes the ultimate. So how do you ensure that your gifts are being used for glory? You get honest with yourself. Where you spend your time. What you meditate on. What consumes your thoughts.
You see… we’ve spent so much time lately discussing business, and relationships, and whatnot that it all starts to feel very shallow, lacking depth. It starts to drift away from what it should be. I want more. But how? We have to allow God to guide us through this refinement process. And we feel strongly that His purpose for us has been revealed (praise God for that!), but where do you go when you start to feel the weight of the world surrounding your purpose? This is when your foundation better be strong enough to handle the pressure. THIS is your identity.
We’ve been through a refinement process individually before, but now we’re coming into a season of refinement in marriage regarding our identity. Here’s what I believe: It is normal to face conflict in regards to your purpose. It isn’t going to be easy to pursue your calling. But if your identity is founded in truth, you will start to face opposition with less strife. How can we build our foundation? Align your life with truth; align your life with The Word of God. Then you will come into agreement with God’s will for you.
It’s not easy. We struggle. We fall into human error, and act according to our flesh when we aren’t founded properly. We’ve been there. Time and again. And it causes strife in our marriage. But we can humble ourselves and admit that when we see our spouse respond (either to the world, or to each other) apart from the truth, we are disappointed. We seek a higher standard for each other. And we can work towards being so rooted in truth that these instances that lack grace will be fewer and further between. Because when we are truly rooted in the truth; when we are meditating on God’s Word, and constantly hearing the Spirit in our daily lives, that’s when thrive. Individually. As a couple. And especially pertaining to our purpose.
All of this to say, we hope to share with other individuals and couples alike that it is OKAY to struggle a bit with your purpose. As long as you have a vision and an understanding of your gifts, you WILL be able to discern through the Spirit how to overcome doubt or conflict or bumps in the road. Persevere. Come into agreement with God’s will for your lives. And then join together with people who will encourage you, speak life over you, and come alongside you in your journey. Remember that God has given you a limited vision of how He will use you. And don’t lose sight of that. There are times when we have to refocus and realign. That is okay. As long as you have surrendered your heart to God, He can use you. He can increase your abilities and strengthen you in ways you can’t imagine so that you can walk in the freedom He has provided, and prosper in ways that will glorify His Kingdom.