How we're making it through an adjustment period. We are shifting our focus to:
1. Reprioritizing Relationships- Sometimes it can take a major life shift or a tragic event for us to remember just how precious our time on this earth is, and because of that how imperative it becomes for us to act with urgency. Relationships are huge in our world. Our relationship with God comes first, and on an individual basis that means prioritizing time in worship, prayer, community, reading, whatever that may be for each of us. Our marriage comes second. With limited time together due to conflicting work schedules, we are finding that we have to be more creative and more intentional when it comes to time together. Lately our best time together has been exercising together right after work; it gives us a chance to catch up and also to build a foundation of a healthy lifestyle with some structure. We focus on uninterrupted dinners together—no tv, no phones, no distractions—just time to connect and be present with one another. We’re also learning that our weekend commitments are imperative to get a hold on. Where you give your time shows where you place value. We have to be much more protective of what we commit to and how we plan because our weekends right now are our biggest source of time together.
When it comes to friends and family, we are focusing on keeping these relationships as a high priority. However, one important thing that my mom has taught me over the past few years is that it is okay to say no to things sometimes. We want to be social, and we know that relationships certainly require effort by all parties, but that at the same time it is best (and necessary) to be protective over your time, and make sure you are spending it wisely on people who are equally invested in you and are enjoyable to be around. For this reason, we have started making efforts to plan in advance with friends and to use one evening per weekend to plan small get-togethers. Other weekends we realize that we need to purposely make ZERO commitments, and give ourselves a chance to hang out alone without feeling guilty. We’ve found that it’s all about balance, and being cognitive of the need to plan social events so that life doesn’t speed by without us knowing. That planning and preparation show value and care. Otherwise, the months will pass and you will come to the realization that you haven’t seen your friends in far too long. And nobody wants that.
2. Reprioritizing Rest- This has been HUGE for me. I went from spending six months without a structured daily routine to a six-thirty wakeup call and an eight hour day of work that left me brutally exhausted the first few weeks. Did I mention I love rest? The biggest help in this adjustment period has been setting an early, regular bedtime so that my body can rest and rejuvenate for the next day. I realize that not everyone has the luxury of setting an early bedtime, but I’ll be honest in saying that I have to make sacrifices in other areas to meet this requirement I set for myself. Sometimes the dishes, the laundry, the favorite TV show I’ve been waiting all week for, the phone call I wanted to make, the lunch I forgot to pack will have to wait. Because at the end of the day I know my body needs rest, and all those things will still be there when I wake up.
Equally important is mental rest. If you are anything like me, my brain doesn’t stop racing from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed. Finding breaks throughout the work day to get up and move around and finding time after work to clear my mind through exercise or simply through silence are really important to me. Delyn and I have discussed that this is single-handedly the biggest adjustment I’ve noticed in married life vs single life is the amount of time where there is complete silence (I know what you moms are thinking: just wait til you have kids. Trust me, I know…). But generally speaking, for introverts, it is a necessity to find quiet sometimes as this provides a lot of solace and peace to a racing mind. I understand that for some people the only time they get this silence is in the shower, while they drive to work, or before their kids go to sleep… but for me and my mental health, I will have to continue to reprioritize this throughout life because I strongly believe that I need it to refocus. And I’m a better version of myself when I find time to make it happen.
3. Reprioritizing Health- Structure has been key in our adjustment period. Over the last few months we have been much more aware of our need to adjust our eating and exercise habits, mainly because we did NOT reprioritize this after getting married. After all, being healthy doesn’t always feel like the super fun and cool thing to do when all you really want to do is eat ice cream and watch a movie with your husband. I blame this and label it as an “extended honeymoon”; I never really wanted to stop eating delicious food, and took the “rest” aspect a little more seriously than the “health” aspect. Point in case- balance is key. We are paying for those choices (mainly me), and we felt a strong conviction to refocus on health. Bottom line: if you don’t reprioritize this category, it will catch up with you. The changes we’ve made to our lifestyle require extra planning because of our limitations on time (the sun goes down early, and we already mentioned our priority on REST at a reasonable hour). Simply adding structure to our post-work routine with a fixed workout plan and pre-planned meals has made a huge difference in the way we feel and the energy we have.
We’ve also incorporated some healthier habits and reduced intake of certain foods/beverages (okay, okay… sodas) that were making us feel bad. Our goal is to feel better so that we can be more efficient with our time and energy, so we knew we had to cut out some unhealthy addictions and guilty pleasures. Eating at home, buying more nutritious foods and cooking meals with less additives and more substance has been a big priority. These type of transitions require all parties to be on board, as I simply would not have the will power to change my lifestyle habits if my husband didn’t have the same goals. Since we started these adjustments we have noticed that we are more energized, less lethargic, generally happier, have better sleeping habits, and we have less physical symptoms like stomach aches and headaches.
4. Reprioritizing Creative Outlets- For me, this includes hobbies such as crafting, photography and writing. When life gets busy, these things I enjoy often take the backseat or get overlooked. And then one day I realize that I’ve gone two weeks without writing and I suddenly feel like I’ve cheated myself out of something I love. For me these outlets offer an opportunity to feel as if I’m contributing something valuable in life. I recognize that my corporate job contributes value, but not always in the same, fulfilling way that creativity does for me. I have made a conscious effort to increase my creative ventures (even if it’s only for a few quick minutes at the end of the day, or while I sit in front of the TV for some downtime) to keep myself actively engaged in activities I enjoy. I don’t always necessarily have time during the week, but if I consider these priorities in advance I can definitely make time. I’ll try to set goals at the beginning of the week to help make this happen—for example, I’ll aim to finish editing one photo shoot or write two blogs by the week’s end.
5. Reprioritizing Fun- Here’s where the spontaneity comes into play (look honey, I didn’t forget about this!). Prioritizing fun doesn’t always dominate the workweek, but we definitely make room for it. Our idea of fun during the week is generally watching The Bachelor together on Mondays, going for walks, or enjoying a healthy home cooked meal (isn’t life just better when you try a new recipe and it turns out delicious?) When we plan our weekend commitments in advance and know exactly what were up against (cleaning, grocery store, etc.) we know how much time we’re left with and get to spend this however we want! Keep in mind, it is not wedding season yet and I still have a husband :) We’ve managed to slip away the past few weekends and go on hikes, style photo shoots, and get out and play with our cameras. We make the most of our weekends because our time is limited and we know that. We’ve also shifted our definition of fun to include things that are more conducive to the healthy lifestyle we want to achieve—we try to focus more on active activities that get us out of the house and less on activities that revolve around food and screens (unless that screen is a camera, that’s allowed).
Are you currently in an adjustment period or just made it through one? I'd love to hear what YOU reprioritized during this time! Feel free to leave any comments to encourage others who might benefit from your experience :)
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plan and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
Psalm 90:12
Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Ephesians 5:15-16
Be very careful, then, how you live- not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil